The story of Thayer
Thayer's story begins the day before our 3rd wedding anniversary. We had been feeling like we were missing a family member for several months and that morning, February 4, 2014 we found out I was expecting baby #6. I cried tears of joy and walked around smiling for days knowing that we were bringing another precious little life into the world.
The thing about when I get pregnant that is hard: the question of gender. I torture myself plenty with the constant analysis of my symptoms, wondering if there is something different that could indicate a baby that isn't a boy. This time was no different, but what makes it infinitely harder is the comments from others around me. This time my symptoms were drastically different, I craved completely different foods and I carried the baby higher than the previous boys. Despite the different symptoms, there were multiple times I had a feeling of deja vu, I kept feeling like I had two "sets" of three boys. Every time I expressed that feeling, it seemed like the automatic response was "no way, this HAS to be your girl."
It was an immense relief for me to just know that he was a boy finally. I ended up at that ultrasound alone because Declan was sick and Jason needed to stay with him. As soon as the sonographer pulled up the gender shot, I immediately saw it and said "OH! it's a boy!" I remember laughing instantly. There was not second of disappointment or hesitation for me. I remember giggling and telling the sonographer that my uterus was officially going to be called the man cave. She laughed so hard she had to pull the wand off my belly for a slight moment. I brought the ultrasound DVD straight home for Jason and the boys to watch and find out that boy #6 was en route.
This time it was so easy for me to say the words "it's a boy" without any disappointment or sadness for not having a girl. I attribute this to the immense amount of faith I had going into this pregnancy. I had prayed so hard to Heavenly Father that if it was his will, for us to be blessed with a daughter. When we found out the baby was a boy I had an immediate instinct that Heavenly Father gave him to us for a reason. I felt like it was him saying "I know you wanted a daughter, but this is your son and he needs you." That was an extremely humbling feeling for me. The tears came in buckets when I thought about my six sons in the big picture. We are being trusted to raise and nurture SIX sons, to raise them in the ways of the gospel, to teach them to be kind and loving, to teach them to be respectful and respectable. This world needs more honorable men; I am being trusted as the mother to six future husbands. WOW. Every single time I think about the responsibility I've been tasked with I am humbled to tears. I am no longer sad for the daughter I've never had, I am filled with joy for the six sons who I am blessed to be a mother to. Having a daughter was a dream of mine, but my reality is far better than the dreams I once had.
It's very easy for me to say: expecting Thayer brought me great joy.
I approached his pregnancy completely differently. My Irish twins were HARD on my body and I knew going into this pregnancy that I needed to do something different. I remained active the entire 9 months. There was running, walking, treadmill, elliptical, insanity, P90X3, the pregnancy project DVD set, and just running around after two busy toddlers and keeping up with the activities of three boys in grade school. This literally cut my overall weight gain in half. I also attribute my better mood and my lack of pregnancy aches and pains to my active lifestyle. It is normal for me to have extreme pain and swelling, from carrying large babies and from excessive weight gain. This time I remained relatively comfortable until the last week. I was still taking my daily walks until the very end.
The other big difference for me was how I approached what I wanted for this baby's birth. I focused on the kind of birth I wanted, and did everything in my power to achieve it. In the past, I had five hospital births. With each one I walked away with regrets; things I wish had been different. In the hospital setting it is so very hard to make your own decisions and stick with them. For me, a huge struggle was that I was always pushed to have pitocin, due to labor "stalling out" and with pitocin things just spiraled away from what I wanted for birth. I vowed for this time to be different, and I was blessed to find the exact right fit for my prenatal care to achieve that result. We planned to not deliver in the hospital setting and every fear that I had for being out of the hospital was put to rest the first time I met with the midwife. When I asked her about different scenarios I had faced in the past, she told me how it would be handled in the birth center setting. I stopped fearing all the complications that *could* happen and just followed my gut instinct: that this was the right setting for us. Jason was on the same page and felt everything would go smoothly, that gave me the final bit of confidence I needed.
Into the last month of the pregnancy I focused on seriously preparing for the birth. I kept referring to it as "preparing for a marathon" throughout the whole pregnancy. In the 9th month I stepped it up. The little boys and I went for walks almost daily; usually 1-2 miles. I kept working on my pregnancy workout DVDs and occasionally also did parts of insanity. I drank my body weight in raspberry leaf tea in the last month as well, hoping that it would help with my normally long hard labors. I did my best to approach each day with gratefulness that I was blessed with the child we prayed for. It's so easy to get lost in the misery of the last month of pregnancy, but I made an effort every single day to find things to keep me busy, to remember the pain was temporary, and to remember that patience would pay off. I read several books on natural childbirth and in reading them, I thought a lot about the conditions I had previously gone into natural labor. They all had two things in common: relaxation and my bed. I either go into labor while relaxing in bed at the end of the day, or I go into labor when I roll out of bed in the morning. No amount of "self induction" crap can force a body that isn't ready to be ready, so I didn't bother. There are so many self induction claims out there, all those do is cause contractions and more misery, but contractions are not labor. Labor is such a deeper process that the body goes through, I chose to trust my body to pick when it would start.
As my due date approached, I honestly thought I would be facing another overdue baby. That was okay. I was due October 16th. Around the 14th Jason asked how long my midwife/doctor team would let me go. I honestly hadn't even bothered asking that so I didn't have an answer for him. I wasn't feeling worried about that. For over a week my baby whisperer (Payton) had been telling me Thayer would arrive on his due date. The night before I was due, with the whiteboard Thayer countdown reading "1 day" Payton put his hands on my belly and told Thayer tomorrow was his day. In the back of my mind I was thinking "no WAY this will work twice". For those who don't know, Payton had two momentous chats with Leland during my last few weeks of that pregnancy. At 37-39 weeks Leland was breech, Payton laid his hands on my belly and told Leland he was upside down; Leland flipped. Another night Payton told Leland it was time to come out and meet us, that we are very nice. Within hours, my water broke. It was a nice thought that Payton could tell Thayer to come out too and that he would listen, but it was more laughable than anything.
Imagine my surprise to wake up on the morning of my due date and have just that happen. At about 5 am I woke up to go to the bathroom and something just felt different. My underwear seemed wet, it left me questioning if I had peed myself. I went back to sleep and in another hour I went to the bathroom again to discover my bloody show had shown up. It was just after this that I turned on the lamp in the hallway and gently touched Jason's arm. When he lifted his head and looked at me, I simply said "we are going to have a baby" and smiled at him. At that moment, my mommy instincts were going off and I knew it was going to be Thayer's birthday. Within about 15 minutes the contractions started coming. I have this thing about contractions, it seems that if I time them, they go away. So for the first few hours I didn't time them. Each contraction was strong, from the very first one. For the first batch of them I laid in bed and Jason held my hand. I was breathing slowly and deeply through them and envisioning waves on the beach in Hawaii. Each breath in was a wave hitting the beach, breathing out was the waves going back out from the beach. This approach was worth its weight in gold. I was so relaxed.
Around 7:30 the big boys got up for school so I took my party to the living room. Avery and Payton made their way down the hallway to find me standing and swaying back and forth in the living room. Avery's instinct was to reach out and wrap his arms around me. When I was able to speak I told them that Payton's prediction was coming true and that after school to expect grandma or grandpa to be at the bus stop waiting for them. They continued to get ready, as I continued to just focus. Jason brought them to school and got back to the house as quick as he could. We kept the toddlers busy with food and train movies while Jason helped me through the contractions. We quickly discovered that I couldn't sit during them, so my exercise ball was out. The most comfortable places for me were leaning against doorways (when Jason had to take care of toddler related things) or to face Jason and put my arms up on his shoulders. The contractions that I had Jason, I felt so supported and grounded. That was huge for me.
Sometime around 9-something I decided to get in the shower. In my labor experience: water is the true test. If I get into water and it slows down, it's not the real deal or it's not strong enough yet. If it persists strongly through water, we are in business. It took awhile in the shower because I kept having to stop and sway back and forth to cope. I knew it was time to make the call.
I called up to the birth center/doctor's office, luckily we were within business hours so I didn't have to deal with doing the answering service and waking everyone up in the middle of the night type of situation. I talked to the midwife and I remember telling her that these were the kind of contractions that make you say "if I'm not in actual labor, I'm in some serious trouble." She told me to come in.
Things started happening fast. Jason got the toddlers dressed and brought them and their stuff upstairs to grandpa. He called his mom and told her to leave work and head for home. I had been slowly adding the last of the things to my labor bag between contractions, he finished my list by getting some snacks and grabbing my coconut waters from the fridge upstairs. He shook his head at me as I went into the bathroom to do my makeup and hair. While I did that he put Thayer's car seat into his car, as we would leave my van with grandpa and the kids. I finally was ready, but I asked him and his dad to give me a blessing quickly. I couldn't sit down during it, so I stood. I gave Declan and Leland hugs and kisses and away we went.
The dreaded car ride. With how much agony I was in trying to sit through contractions, I knew the car ride was going to be bad. We had 15 minutes across Wasilla to get to the birth center. I told J to take the highway. Before we even left the driveway I got hit with the first contraction. I grabbed the "oh crap" handle and tried to literally lift my butt off the seat to relieve the pressure. Nope, didn't work. Nothing was helping to relieve the pressure of the car contractions. As soon as it ended I told Jason to just go. The next one hit at the intersection of the Parks highway and the Palmer Wasilla highway. I was getting louder now. The third one held off until we got off at Trunk road. I could see the birth center on the other side of the road. I could do this. We were almost there.
I'm not going to lie though. As we passed the hospital, the thought occurred to me: "that's where the drugs are stupid." It was just a fleeting moment, I swear.
We got into the birth center and in the hallway I could hear the voices of my doctor and midwife (they are husband/wife team) and the midwife student, but I couldn't even look up as I leaned against the wall (and I think Jason too) to get through a contraction. As it let up and they brought us into the room I was just praying that I was dilated enough that we could stay. In my mind I was really REALLY hoping to be at least 4.5 cm. At my last appointment, a week prior, the doctor had said he could stretch me almost to 3 cm and I was 50% effaced. In my other labors, it took a very long time to get me past 6 cm. I was expecting this labor to be no different. I guess I underestimated the power of the lack of hospital stresses and the calm feelings of support I had. My body responded to this labor completely differently. When my midwife checked me I was 8 cm with my water bulging and I'm pretty sure I laughed. Or I was picking my jaw up off the floor. Maybe both. I never expected to hear that upon arrival. How was I already 8 cm, but still coping so well? No pitocin, that's how. It didn't seem real that my body was responding so quickly. I have said it many times over the last few weeks: "my labors aren't textbook. They are long and hard." My body clearly decided to prove me wrong.
I made the decision to go ahead and labor in the tub. How long was I in there? No idea. I settled into the corner, Jason sat on an exercise ball near the side and draped his arm down for me to lean my head against. During each contraction he would stroke my hair and tell me to breathe. The environment was completely calm. The midwives were both on the other side of the tub. The lights were dim, with candles lit all around the tub. It was just very peaceful and serene. I was able to talk and laugh between contractions, and Jason helped keep me feeling loved, supported, and grounded during each contraction. I noticed that during most of the contractions I was feeling tingling across my face, particularly across my cheeks. It was a pretty cool sensation, and focusing on that was much better than focusing on the contraction pain!
At one point or another, I was feeling the pressure building, but the urge to push wasn't completely there. For a handful of contractions I was trying to decide whether or not I should have Tara (the midwife) break my water. I finally decided to do it. I knew it was going to be hard, but with my previous deliveries I also knew it was going to be fast. I told myself "horrible but short" and prepared myself mentally to deliver Thayer.
Nothing could have prepared me for my water to be broken this time. Nothing. The second I felt the pop, I felt the rush of Thayer's entire body slamming downward. The force of the built up amniotic fluid behind him, while I sat in the water of the birthing tub... I can only describe it one way: a vacuum force. I was screaming instantly, I couldn't help it. I was trying to listen to what I was being told to do, but my body was lost in the agony of those moments. Those few moments felt like eons, but I'm told it was more like five minutes. It was in those moments that I was realizing that Thayer was indeed a large baby because for a brief moment I struggled. As I braced into another contraction I remember having enough focus to bear down and push. At some point during this I remember Jason telling me to turn my head to look at him, and to focus. He was my rock, he really was. I am pretty sure it was the next contraction that I felt his head crown. Then probably another one that I screamed louder than I have in my entire life and his head was out. It's all a blur, but another contraction and I remember the relief of the rest of his body coming free and him being lifted to me. Relief just washes away pain when that baby gets lifted onto your chest. Thayer was FINALLY in my arms. It was 6.5 hours start to finish and I was finally looking down at his sweet squishy face.
Honestly, I am in complete awe that I did it. For the first time, I got the experience I truly wanted. We only had to stay at the birth center a few hours after Thayer's arrival and we were allowed to come home to the other boys so they could meet their baby brother. Before we went home we sat in bed and just absorbed everything that had happened, scarfed down a celebratory pizza, and chatted with Mary our super cool student midwife who just happens to also be LDS. The biggest perk to having a water birth is that I didn't even feel like I had just delivered a baby. My recovery is a breeze in comparison to the previous five. I remember back to the post partum issues I've faced and not one of them is happening this time. I feel just great.
I have to say it, the team around us: just amazing. I am so far past happy that I picked the team that I did. Not only did we have the doctor (husband) and midwife (wife) team, we also had an amazing student midwife who actually was the doula for our nephew's delivery last month. She said it was like deja vu when Jason walked in because she had been present for his brother's son's delivery too. I felt completely at ease and comfortable with my surroundings, with everyone around me, which I really believe helped me achieve the birth experience I was wanting so badly. I never realized how vital this was to having such a great experience. I adored my midwife in Anchorage, but she was bound by the hospital policies, and things were just completely different as a result. This experience was the full package.
Thayer is such a joy already. I cannot believe he's ours. It feels like a dream come true to have this sweet boy added to our life of chaos around here. He will never lack for buddies or hand me downs around here. He will never lack for love. I feel so unbelievably blessed beyond measure.
Welcome to our family Thayer Laurence Meade. You are so very loved.
The thing about when I get pregnant that is hard: the question of gender. I torture myself plenty with the constant analysis of my symptoms, wondering if there is something different that could indicate a baby that isn't a boy. This time was no different, but what makes it infinitely harder is the comments from others around me. This time my symptoms were drastically different, I craved completely different foods and I carried the baby higher than the previous boys. Despite the different symptoms, there were multiple times I had a feeling of deja vu, I kept feeling like I had two "sets" of three boys. Every time I expressed that feeling, it seemed like the automatic response was "no way, this HAS to be your girl."
It was an immense relief for me to just know that he was a boy finally. I ended up at that ultrasound alone because Declan was sick and Jason needed to stay with him. As soon as the sonographer pulled up the gender shot, I immediately saw it and said "OH! it's a boy!" I remember laughing instantly. There was not second of disappointment or hesitation for me. I remember giggling and telling the sonographer that my uterus was officially going to be called the man cave. She laughed so hard she had to pull the wand off my belly for a slight moment. I brought the ultrasound DVD straight home for Jason and the boys to watch and find out that boy #6 was en route.
This time it was so easy for me to say the words "it's a boy" without any disappointment or sadness for not having a girl. I attribute this to the immense amount of faith I had going into this pregnancy. I had prayed so hard to Heavenly Father that if it was his will, for us to be blessed with a daughter. When we found out the baby was a boy I had an immediate instinct that Heavenly Father gave him to us for a reason. I felt like it was him saying "I know you wanted a daughter, but this is your son and he needs you." That was an extremely humbling feeling for me. The tears came in buckets when I thought about my six sons in the big picture. We are being trusted to raise and nurture SIX sons, to raise them in the ways of the gospel, to teach them to be kind and loving, to teach them to be respectful and respectable. This world needs more honorable men; I am being trusted as the mother to six future husbands. WOW. Every single time I think about the responsibility I've been tasked with I am humbled to tears. I am no longer sad for the daughter I've never had, I am filled with joy for the six sons who I am blessed to be a mother to. Having a daughter was a dream of mine, but my reality is far better than the dreams I once had.
It's very easy for me to say: expecting Thayer brought me great joy.
I approached his pregnancy completely differently. My Irish twins were HARD on my body and I knew going into this pregnancy that I needed to do something different. I remained active the entire 9 months. There was running, walking, treadmill, elliptical, insanity, P90X3, the pregnancy project DVD set, and just running around after two busy toddlers and keeping up with the activities of three boys in grade school. This literally cut my overall weight gain in half. I also attribute my better mood and my lack of pregnancy aches and pains to my active lifestyle. It is normal for me to have extreme pain and swelling, from carrying large babies and from excessive weight gain. This time I remained relatively comfortable until the last week. I was still taking my daily walks until the very end.
The other big difference for me was how I approached what I wanted for this baby's birth. I focused on the kind of birth I wanted, and did everything in my power to achieve it. In the past, I had five hospital births. With each one I walked away with regrets; things I wish had been different. In the hospital setting it is so very hard to make your own decisions and stick with them. For me, a huge struggle was that I was always pushed to have pitocin, due to labor "stalling out" and with pitocin things just spiraled away from what I wanted for birth. I vowed for this time to be different, and I was blessed to find the exact right fit for my prenatal care to achieve that result. We planned to not deliver in the hospital setting and every fear that I had for being out of the hospital was put to rest the first time I met with the midwife. When I asked her about different scenarios I had faced in the past, she told me how it would be handled in the birth center setting. I stopped fearing all the complications that *could* happen and just followed my gut instinct: that this was the right setting for us. Jason was on the same page and felt everything would go smoothly, that gave me the final bit of confidence I needed.
Into the last month of the pregnancy I focused on seriously preparing for the birth. I kept referring to it as "preparing for a marathon" throughout the whole pregnancy. In the 9th month I stepped it up. The little boys and I went for walks almost daily; usually 1-2 miles. I kept working on my pregnancy workout DVDs and occasionally also did parts of insanity. I drank my body weight in raspberry leaf tea in the last month as well, hoping that it would help with my normally long hard labors. I did my best to approach each day with gratefulness that I was blessed with the child we prayed for. It's so easy to get lost in the misery of the last month of pregnancy, but I made an effort every single day to find things to keep me busy, to remember the pain was temporary, and to remember that patience would pay off. I read several books on natural childbirth and in reading them, I thought a lot about the conditions I had previously gone into natural labor. They all had two things in common: relaxation and my bed. I either go into labor while relaxing in bed at the end of the day, or I go into labor when I roll out of bed in the morning. No amount of "self induction" crap can force a body that isn't ready to be ready, so I didn't bother. There are so many self induction claims out there, all those do is cause contractions and more misery, but contractions are not labor. Labor is such a deeper process that the body goes through, I chose to trust my body to pick when it would start.
As my due date approached, I honestly thought I would be facing another overdue baby. That was okay. I was due October 16th. Around the 14th Jason asked how long my midwife/doctor team would let me go. I honestly hadn't even bothered asking that so I didn't have an answer for him. I wasn't feeling worried about that. For over a week my baby whisperer (Payton) had been telling me Thayer would arrive on his due date. The night before I was due, with the whiteboard Thayer countdown reading "1 day" Payton put his hands on my belly and told Thayer tomorrow was his day. In the back of my mind I was thinking "no WAY this will work twice". For those who don't know, Payton had two momentous chats with Leland during my last few weeks of that pregnancy. At 37-39 weeks Leland was breech, Payton laid his hands on my belly and told Leland he was upside down; Leland flipped. Another night Payton told Leland it was time to come out and meet us, that we are very nice. Within hours, my water broke. It was a nice thought that Payton could tell Thayer to come out too and that he would listen, but it was more laughable than anything.
Imagine my surprise to wake up on the morning of my due date and have just that happen. At about 5 am I woke up to go to the bathroom and something just felt different. My underwear seemed wet, it left me questioning if I had peed myself. I went back to sleep and in another hour I went to the bathroom again to discover my bloody show had shown up. It was just after this that I turned on the lamp in the hallway and gently touched Jason's arm. When he lifted his head and looked at me, I simply said "we are going to have a baby" and smiled at him. At that moment, my mommy instincts were going off and I knew it was going to be Thayer's birthday. Within about 15 minutes the contractions started coming. I have this thing about contractions, it seems that if I time them, they go away. So for the first few hours I didn't time them. Each contraction was strong, from the very first one. For the first batch of them I laid in bed and Jason held my hand. I was breathing slowly and deeply through them and envisioning waves on the beach in Hawaii. Each breath in was a wave hitting the beach, breathing out was the waves going back out from the beach. This approach was worth its weight in gold. I was so relaxed.
Around 7:30 the big boys got up for school so I took my party to the living room. Avery and Payton made their way down the hallway to find me standing and swaying back and forth in the living room. Avery's instinct was to reach out and wrap his arms around me. When I was able to speak I told them that Payton's prediction was coming true and that after school to expect grandma or grandpa to be at the bus stop waiting for them. They continued to get ready, as I continued to just focus. Jason brought them to school and got back to the house as quick as he could. We kept the toddlers busy with food and train movies while Jason helped me through the contractions. We quickly discovered that I couldn't sit during them, so my exercise ball was out. The most comfortable places for me were leaning against doorways (when Jason had to take care of toddler related things) or to face Jason and put my arms up on his shoulders. The contractions that I had Jason, I felt so supported and grounded. That was huge for me.
Sometime around 9-something I decided to get in the shower. In my labor experience: water is the true test. If I get into water and it slows down, it's not the real deal or it's not strong enough yet. If it persists strongly through water, we are in business. It took awhile in the shower because I kept having to stop and sway back and forth to cope. I knew it was time to make the call.
I called up to the birth center/doctor's office, luckily we were within business hours so I didn't have to deal with doing the answering service and waking everyone up in the middle of the night type of situation. I talked to the midwife and I remember telling her that these were the kind of contractions that make you say "if I'm not in actual labor, I'm in some serious trouble." She told me to come in.
Things started happening fast. Jason got the toddlers dressed and brought them and their stuff upstairs to grandpa. He called his mom and told her to leave work and head for home. I had been slowly adding the last of the things to my labor bag between contractions, he finished my list by getting some snacks and grabbing my coconut waters from the fridge upstairs. He shook his head at me as I went into the bathroom to do my makeup and hair. While I did that he put Thayer's car seat into his car, as we would leave my van with grandpa and the kids. I finally was ready, but I asked him and his dad to give me a blessing quickly. I couldn't sit down during it, so I stood. I gave Declan and Leland hugs and kisses and away we went.
The dreaded car ride. With how much agony I was in trying to sit through contractions, I knew the car ride was going to be bad. We had 15 minutes across Wasilla to get to the birth center. I told J to take the highway. Before we even left the driveway I got hit with the first contraction. I grabbed the "oh crap" handle and tried to literally lift my butt off the seat to relieve the pressure. Nope, didn't work. Nothing was helping to relieve the pressure of the car contractions. As soon as it ended I told Jason to just go. The next one hit at the intersection of the Parks highway and the Palmer Wasilla highway. I was getting louder now. The third one held off until we got off at Trunk road. I could see the birth center on the other side of the road. I could do this. We were almost there.
I'm not going to lie though. As we passed the hospital, the thought occurred to me: "that's where the drugs are stupid." It was just a fleeting moment, I swear.
We got into the birth center and in the hallway I could hear the voices of my doctor and midwife (they are husband/wife team) and the midwife student, but I couldn't even look up as I leaned against the wall (and I think Jason too) to get through a contraction. As it let up and they brought us into the room I was just praying that I was dilated enough that we could stay. In my mind I was really REALLY hoping to be at least 4.5 cm. At my last appointment, a week prior, the doctor had said he could stretch me almost to 3 cm and I was 50% effaced. In my other labors, it took a very long time to get me past 6 cm. I was expecting this labor to be no different. I guess I underestimated the power of the lack of hospital stresses and the calm feelings of support I had. My body responded to this labor completely differently. When my midwife checked me I was 8 cm with my water bulging and I'm pretty sure I laughed. Or I was picking my jaw up off the floor. Maybe both. I never expected to hear that upon arrival. How was I already 8 cm, but still coping so well? No pitocin, that's how. It didn't seem real that my body was responding so quickly. I have said it many times over the last few weeks: "my labors aren't textbook. They are long and hard." My body clearly decided to prove me wrong.
I made the decision to go ahead and labor in the tub. How long was I in there? No idea. I settled into the corner, Jason sat on an exercise ball near the side and draped his arm down for me to lean my head against. During each contraction he would stroke my hair and tell me to breathe. The environment was completely calm. The midwives were both on the other side of the tub. The lights were dim, with candles lit all around the tub. It was just very peaceful and serene. I was able to talk and laugh between contractions, and Jason helped keep me feeling loved, supported, and grounded during each contraction. I noticed that during most of the contractions I was feeling tingling across my face, particularly across my cheeks. It was a pretty cool sensation, and focusing on that was much better than focusing on the contraction pain!
At one point or another, I was feeling the pressure building, but the urge to push wasn't completely there. For a handful of contractions I was trying to decide whether or not I should have Tara (the midwife) break my water. I finally decided to do it. I knew it was going to be hard, but with my previous deliveries I also knew it was going to be fast. I told myself "horrible but short" and prepared myself mentally to deliver Thayer.
Nothing could have prepared me for my water to be broken this time. Nothing. The second I felt the pop, I felt the rush of Thayer's entire body slamming downward. The force of the built up amniotic fluid behind him, while I sat in the water of the birthing tub... I can only describe it one way: a vacuum force. I was screaming instantly, I couldn't help it. I was trying to listen to what I was being told to do, but my body was lost in the agony of those moments. Those few moments felt like eons, but I'm told it was more like five minutes. It was in those moments that I was realizing that Thayer was indeed a large baby because for a brief moment I struggled. As I braced into another contraction I remember having enough focus to bear down and push. At some point during this I remember Jason telling me to turn my head to look at him, and to focus. He was my rock, he really was. I am pretty sure it was the next contraction that I felt his head crown. Then probably another one that I screamed louder than I have in my entire life and his head was out. It's all a blur, but another contraction and I remember the relief of the rest of his body coming free and him being lifted to me. Relief just washes away pain when that baby gets lifted onto your chest. Thayer was FINALLY in my arms. It was 6.5 hours start to finish and I was finally looking down at his sweet squishy face.
Honestly, I am in complete awe that I did it. For the first time, I got the experience I truly wanted. We only had to stay at the birth center a few hours after Thayer's arrival and we were allowed to come home to the other boys so they could meet their baby brother. Before we went home we sat in bed and just absorbed everything that had happened, scarfed down a celebratory pizza, and chatted with Mary our super cool student midwife who just happens to also be LDS. The biggest perk to having a water birth is that I didn't even feel like I had just delivered a baby. My recovery is a breeze in comparison to the previous five. I remember back to the post partum issues I've faced and not one of them is happening this time. I feel just great.
I have to say it, the team around us: just amazing. I am so far past happy that I picked the team that I did. Not only did we have the doctor (husband) and midwife (wife) team, we also had an amazing student midwife who actually was the doula for our nephew's delivery last month. She said it was like deja vu when Jason walked in because she had been present for his brother's son's delivery too. I felt completely at ease and comfortable with my surroundings, with everyone around me, which I really believe helped me achieve the birth experience I was wanting so badly. I never realized how vital this was to having such a great experience. I adored my midwife in Anchorage, but she was bound by the hospital policies, and things were just completely different as a result. This experience was the full package.
Thayer is such a joy already. I cannot believe he's ours. It feels like a dream come true to have this sweet boy added to our life of chaos around here. He will never lack for buddies or hand me downs around here. He will never lack for love. I feel so unbelievably blessed beyond measure.
Welcome to our family Thayer Laurence Meade. You are so very loved.
Comments